When Women’s Intellectual Identity Threatens Their Romantic Pursuits

Communication is the cornerstone of all successful relationships, romantic or otherwise. It has that impeccable power to resolve conflicts, steer discussions, forge love and eliminate differences. However, the same remains one sided or I would say restrictively controlled when is biased by gender.

So, women you must have sensed by now what I am pointing at. Did you ever feel victimized by your intellectual identity? Did you ever face humiliation or acrimonious retaliation when you tried to give your opinion or share your perspective with your significant other? Did it ever happen that your romantic inclination towards someone could never turn into love connection due to your intelligence?

Since Childhood, I often wondered that why women were not allowed to put forth their viewpoints in family decisions. Most of the times, I noticed that women in the family were only required to accord to whatever was decided by their male partners.

However, in the age of women empowerment, women are much more than just diligent dexterous homemakers. They are carving their niche in myriad domains of life and independent in their outlook as well as decision-making. Men also look for women who can be a part of stimulating conversations, have opinion of their own and can take key decisions at both professional and personal fronts. However, still not much has changed when it comes to men whole-heartedly acknowledging and accepting such intellectual abilities of women.

It is quite interesting to ponder over that on one hand, today’s men admire women who are brainy and are able to assertively put forth their viewpoints; on the other hand, research studies indicate that some men still hesitate to forge romantic relations with smarter women who can outperform them.

Research studies conducted by University of Buffalo, Columbia University and University of Austen concluded that men hesitate in developing romantic interest with women who are more intelligent than they are, even though they admire their intelligence initially.

Amused by such stereotypical dispositions in relationships, I tried figuring out the causes behind such discomfort caused to men upon meeting smarter female counterparts. Psychologist Lora Park at State University of Buffalo, who led the study, pointed out that gender roles, evolutionary biases can be some of the factors due to which some men often attach their self- esteem to their intelligence especially when women outperform them.

At times, even the upbringing of children, especially males, dictate their acceptance towards females who are more intelligent than they are. In families, where everyone (including females) is given equal chance to voice their opinion and participate in family discussions, males in such families can consciously develop a neutral approach to understand perspectives of other, irrespective of gender.

According to an article published on Psychology website www.psychologytoday.com , men can feel empowered if they view the relationship with the female as their ‘emotional resource’. As it is said, ‘our thoughts become our actions’, by merely reorienting the thinking towards intelligent females, males can have deep, mutually fulfilling and nurturing relationships with intelligent women.

There are some quick tips that can help females to further their romantic pursuits with desirable men without inadvertently sabotaging self-esteem and thus, breeding disconnect:

There are some quick tips that can help females to further their romantic pursuits with desirable men without inadvertently sabotaging self-esteem and thus, breeding disconnect:

Be Assertive But Not Aggressive

At times tone of voice, non-verbal gestures show aggression when we communicate with men, especially in informal settings. However, such aggression may not be intentional and come natural in some, if women can deal with them, men may feel comfortable in interacting. However, being aggressive not at all means to be a demure and overtly sweet, but it means talking firm yet polite. Expect the same from the male counterpart as well to keep the conversation flowing.

Disagree Without Being Disrespectful

It is indeed a fulfilling experience to engage in conversations on topics ranging from passion to politics. Such conversations at times result in one person disagreeing with viewpoint of other. In strange ways though, some men tend to show discomfort from disagreement when they attach disagreement to their ego and self -esteem.

In order to avoid such conflicting situations, one must set some rules before such discussions and ensure to steer talks in a completely respectful manner. In simple words, it means treating the other person the way you would like to be treated.

Be Yourself

According to me, this is the only mantra that all must use to remain sane while dealing with relationships. Faking never works wonders to anyone, be it a beautiful brainy woman deliberately acting dumb or be it a dumb male faking his intelligence to score merits by a woman.

On concluding note women, always remember that there may remain differences in opinions, we too deserve a voice and must not be guilty of losing someone who wants to suppress the same. However, respect and empathy are traits that are required to build strong foundations in relationships.

References

Burriss, R. P. (2016, September 22). Are-men-just-not-interested-in-clever-women. Retrieved October 25, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/attraction-evolved/201609/are-men-just-not-interested-in-clever-women 

Birch, J. (2018, February 14). Do-men-want-date-intelligent-women [Web log post]. Retrieved October 25, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/navigating-the-love-gap/201802/do-men-want-date-intelligent-women 

REVEALED: Why do some women act dumb on dates? – Times of India 

REVEALED: Why do some women act dumb on dates? – Times of India. (2020). Retrieved 25 October 2020, from https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/love-sex/revealed-why-do-some-women-act-dumb-on-dates/articleshow/71419418.cms 

When Women’s Intellectual Identity Threatens Their Romantic Pursuits

84 thoughts on “When Women’s Intellectual Identity Threatens Their Romantic Pursuits

  1. Loved the article💓Very well weaved. Very relevant tips mentioned😊
    Just one thought, the vice versa is also true with most of the women I feel. A woman does not feel inclined/ romantically inclined towards a man whose intellect quotient is less than that of a woman. I wonder why??? 🤔

  2. Hi. A beautiful picturization. Loved reading it. Very sensible tips…have the courage to say wrong if it is wrong which is under certain pressure and circumstances becomes almost difficult for a women .

  3. Point taken… All of it is written with conviction and is nothing but plain truth. Yet what needs to be understood is that men are not used to intellectually stimulated women as there aren’t many around. Social empowerment of women has started albeit it’s a slow process. When men are exposed to assertive women in all walks of life they will then respect, love and welcome them with open hearts.

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